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The glorious rise of Grace Mugabe

The glorious rise of Grace Mugabe

By
Published: 12 November 2014

ZIMBABWE – LET us all now stand and honour the genius that is Grace Mugabe, First Lady of our prosperous northern neighbour, Zimbabwe. In September our Grace was awarded a PhD in sociology by the University of Zimbabwe (UZ). It was a happy affair. President Robert Mugabe — husband to the aforementioned Grace — was conferring the degrees, and he did so with gusto and pride.

For there is no doubt that he is married to a first-class genius. You see, Grace enrolled for a doctoral programme only in July. Within three months she had earned the extremely tough degree. What? You can imagine all those poor nerds sweating away for three to seven years (sometimes longer) to earn their doctorates. Goodbye suckers!

Problem is, our Grace’s thesis is supposed to be lodged with the university library before graduation. They are still looking for it.

Now academics at UZ say it will be available only after a year. Why doesn’t she just photocopy it now and hand it out?

And Grace has now set her sights on succeeding her husband. She seems the only person in Zimbabwe who is allowed to raise her hand about the possibility of succeeding the man who has been in power for 34 years.

For there is no doubt that he is married to a first-class genius. You see, Grace enrolled for a doctoral programme only in July. Within three months she had earned the extremely tough degree. What? You can imagine all those poor nerds sweating away for three to seven years (sometimes longer) to earn their doctorates. Goodbye suckers!

This is how that venerable organ, Africa Confidential, reported on the launch of her campaign: “Starting at her Mazowe estate with an assembly of fundamentalist Christian pastors and Apostolic prophets, she confided that Mugabe was God’s gift to Zimbabwe and she was God’s gift to Mugabe. The corpulent conclave dutifully responded with ‘Hallelujahs’ and ‘Praise the Lords’ but their real enthusiasm seemed to be for a chorus of ‘Give us more building land.’”

Lovely. After this blessed start to the campaign Grace’s sights were set firmly on obliterating her enemy, vice-president Joice Mujuru. It is worth noting that on the same day that Grace received her bogus degree, Mujuru also received a PhD. Mujuru’s thesis — gained over four years — is there for all to peruse at the UZ library.

Grace is not impressed. Last week she blasted Mujuru, saying: “When President Mugabe will be busy in the office working, Mujuru will be thinking of grabbing 10% from companies. I know what I am talking about .” It reminds me of that old adage: It takes a thief to catch a thief. Grace is a millionaire landowner and farmer, by the way.

Which is why I took my lovely father-in-law off to Sakhumzi’s in Soweto’s Vilakazi Street when he came to visit the other day.

I wanted to be near the great, late Nelson Mandela’s house. He is my hero. He served for one term and said: “Sayonara, babies.” He didn’t steal from the fiscus. Unlike our kleptocratic Grace and her husband Robert.

Sakhumzi’s sits right behind Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s former house and is just down the road from Mandela’s old house.

The last time I went, four years ago, I left feeling unhappy. But now service is better, the food is better and the mood is more relaxed.

It’s still a buffet, but this time there was a charming young manager making sure that no flies were hovering about. It looked clean and professional.

I had some tripe, rice, beetroot and other vegetables. My father-in-law had tripe and rice, then went back for beef stew, rice and vegetables. He is a rural boy, like me, and he said he hadn’t had tripe like that in decades. I agreed.

We were happy. I do hope our Grace pops in one day. Just to breathe in democracy and learn.


Posted by: Ranga Mutukura

This reminds me, some time ago I had to explain to some people who had asked me this why can’t the old man rest ? And I said the problem is not him but the wife who is still young and can’t think of a husband without a job. My man has been forced to push foward for the sake of kids who are young and Grace , it is what it now but Zimbabwe will never improve with the type of Grace in front . She is not thinking about the majority but her self. She will never bring any the new on the table but I can see a war coming if she gets to power , The first family must know that its not a fmily sit . Its time the take a rest or the worst will soon catch up with them …

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